It was the truth , that turned this family against family, gun shots ringing throughout the night, anger all around, the voices of people screaming, when the truth was learned that the child you helped raise for years was never yours at all, but the son of someone else. Fear preventing the very woman you loved from telling you she made a mistake and, that several years ago, she cheated on you.
Cleansing the soul means sometimes letting what may be, be , we live in the present so move forward and let the past stay in the past. The truth did nothing more but bring about the hurt and pain, the same hurt and pain that lead to the very death of what was once the happiest of families. True forgiveness can only be attained after the truth has been spoken so in time one day, that happy family will be again.
Use extreme caution, cause while the truth can heal, remember that before it heals, it will hurt.
It could very well have been the rain outside my window, or the Jill Scott playing softly behind me on my radio; all I knew was that I was in need of a change, a transformation if you will—the same transformation that allowed me to get up from my hospital bed and tell my doctor I was fine and was returning home. The same transformation that will allow me to go into my job tomorrow morning, clear off my desk, say “I quit,” and then go into the studio and complete my first album. The same transformation that is going to let me work things out with family and friends and all those I feel are the main source of pain in my life. If necessary, this transformation will instill within me the strength to let those people go. It will allow me to publish more than twenty books, with plans for more. I will finally let people know that what you see is what you get, I am not perfect and I am no longer going to try to be. This same transformation will close the door on dead-end, non-communicating relationships, give me the strength to withstand it all, and allow me to get up, get over, and, yes, get through. It will give me the strength to get over myself. This very same transformation is a much needed, pigeon-sent, urgent call; causing me, dear God, to fall on my knees and give praise to you.
I thank you God for the dream you sent that inspired this phase of my life. I now know what I am meant to do, what I am destined to be.
How emotionally exciting it is when the clock counts down and you’re seconds away from the start of the new year; you begin preparations promising change, for indeed in your mind it is a new day because you start realizing that old things have passed away and you’re filled with a continuous, ever-flowing happiness of the upcoming new year and what it may bring.
For the longest generation to generation when we felt there was no one to protect us, our mouths have been our greatest weapon and often our one and only defense. Our voices cracking, the thick blanket of silence for years hid our cries as well as uncovered our very dreams, giving insight into our very being. I remember the shattering cries from a woman whose very heart cried tears of “I love you.” Her heart cried only because the one thing she loved, the one person she’d die for, was blind, fooled by a cover of alcohol, consumed with a blindfold of the deepest, darkest anger.
I remember the thick blanket of silence that now occupies a once laughter-filled room. A father and son who for reasons even now they are still unsure of hadn’t uttered a word to one another in several years finally turn towards one another. In the eyes, you felt as well as saw the eagerness to start again.
I even recall the very night I screamed God’s name several times, but outside my body stood motionless as the words “I’ll kill you” cut through the crisp night air. Far different from a televised event, at that moment I was truly living it. I stood there, my very body suspended in fear as my heart beat faster and faster. “Please” a voice cried out but was quickly cut off by the words, “Shut up!” I watched as hands went through registers, purses, and pockets, while my mind flipped through all the memories of all the people I never got a chance to tell that I loved them.
Like the last beam of sunlight that passes your eyes before the sun sinks back into the sky, tonight in my prayer to God, I recalled and vividly remembered all the things that have happened on a day to day basis in my life as well as the lives of others. Even though they have become nothing more then mere memories, happy or sad, they were all learning experiences that have not only prepared me for a better future but have encouraged and equipped me to understand the fact that the truth works, and believe me-it always will.
